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uring the GREAT Salad Making contest, one contestant shook the large CRUET too hard, and the audience had the pleasure of watching it ERUPT all over the presentation table
An Account of One Hundred Puzzles
and the Tales They Inspired
by
March – June 2024
Enter ↓uring the GREAT Salad Making contest, one contestant shook the large CRUET too hard, and the audience had the pleasure of watching it ERUPT all over the presentation table
he crimson and CREAM ax BROKE in two as I TRIED to get the crowd to ERUPT by smashing a replica of the opponent's mascot.
he BRUTE! To THINK he thought himself superior…just wait until the TITAN shoves the TOXIN down his throat.
y heart was in my throat as the prison guard began to FLAKE the CRUST of my pie and put it in her mouth. The THING is, the TOXIN is baked into a few of the apples in the center, but still...one wrong move and she could be dead before I even get through security.
he mother questioned her daughter… did he TOUCH you? What’s in STORE for the next time? Mom, I really like him. The daughter answered. Ha! The mother said with a SNORT, we’re all nice at the beginning.
aster Dyson’s CLAIM to fame was also a huge THORN in his father’s side. Dad’s fortune afforded his son the lifestyle that allowed him to party and SNORT cocaine. He was proud that his snout could clean the substance from a surface more efficiently than his father’s famous invention.
eavy with emotion and WEARY in mind, the tenant begged the landlord not to EVICT him. In a FLEET moment of pity the landlord let him stay. The tenant KNELT before the landlord in gratitude as the new contract was SPELT out in blood.
ith my CLEAT in hand, I KNELT On my field of dreams, I SMELT Not corn as hoped, but SPELT Disappointment and dismay, I felt When I saw that crickets not bats, there dwelt
ey man, I can TEACH you how to make BREAD, but if you don’t ABIDE by my instructions, you ain’t gonna rise.
used a balsamic GRAPE glaze to BASTE the tenderloin in the kitchen of my brand new ABODE against my better judgement, but I decided to ABIDE by the ancient recipe I found in the attic.
hereby STAKE my technological reputation \(and PROUD of it!\) on NOT following lemmings who LOGIN just to learn the LINGO.
was so BROKE last MONTH I couldn’t pay my rent. I knew my excuses would ANNOY my landlord because I didn’t speak the LINGO.
REACH out, with false hope, of attaining the SHAPE of my youthful self. And upon acceptance, choose to sit in the SHADE of earned wisdom.
had a bike CRASH because I was so out of SHAPE. It was such a SHAME, all I could do was SHAKE my head as I sat in the SHADE waiting for help.
mong the giant redwoods, the FAIRY came to rest on the LOAMY banks of the stream. With the drone of chainsaws in the distance, she couldn’t shake the ANTSY feeling stemming from the inevitable DECAY of the enchanted forest.
em class="hl-andre">FEAST your eyes on my grandmother’s nursing home MEDAL for having the least amount of tooth DECAY. She prides herself on her denture care.
LOVED waking up in the morning to the sound of birds circling over the WATER, their CRIES echoing through the woods. Though I’m an early RISER, I waited till the sun had RISEN well over the horizon, before I got out of bed
fter praying I was at PEACE, because I received a FRESH anointing from the Holy Spirit. Oh how SUPER sweet it is to serve a RISEN Savior.
o TEACH the TIRED masses, has TAKEN its toll Was the dead tree a TOTEM to throw in the TOWEL?
ith delusions of grandeur, I made a bold CLAIM that I immediately realized was too LOFTY to fulfill, so I threw in the TOWEL, rolled over and feigned a migraine.
t was a PIECE of the action that she wanted…the BLOND woman whipped her SHAWL across her shoulders., and with a SALTY strut, the room watched her SALLY up to the bar.
he TAPER of the crack made it bloody impossible to CAULK, so Bartholomew had to check it DAILY. His MANLY disposition did not allow the uncertainty of the situation to GALLY him. However, one morning, the BALLY loo scared the crap out of him when a SALLY of foreign objects unceremoniously met him as he fingered the fissure.
ood GRIEF! A STORM was brewing because of the RUMOR circulating around town. It was said that at the official MANOR, the MAYOR was holding an illicit rendezvous
onight I’m going to BATHE and bask in the glory of the spotlight at the FANCY ball and enjoy life while I can, because in 58 days, I will be MAYOR.
he THIEF thought of the STORY he would tell the jury as he walked to take the STAND. He knew the STUNT he pulled to steal the wallet, stunk like the spray from a SKUNK, but he wasn’t prepared for how the look in the victim’s eyes STUNG him.
rying to CHARM Justine with his culinary creations, Hank stood at the STOVE as he peered past the bay windows into the STUDY where she sat typing into her phone. As he began to STUFF the mushrooms, he got a text on his watch, “We’re done!!” He was STUNG by the message, until he realized it was from their daughter requesting a pickup from practice.
he FIELD of candidates was populated by so many GREAT, brilliant thinkers, that the interviewer couldn’t wait to SPEAK to all of them.
t was so GREAT to SPEAK with you today. The last time I saw you was March 10th.
s he prepared two FRIED eggs for her breakfast he hoped she would see this as an OVERT gesture of his affection. Having woken up EARLY, with her beside him, it was as if he was living in the REALM of a dream.
pon hearing her TEPID response to his urgent demand, a FERAL look suddenly appeared on his face. She had never seen anything like it before, so she tried to her best to LEARN on the fly how to deal with something that was clearly from another REALM.
t felt good to be ALIVE! No need to use a TROPE to express the elation she felt as the alarm clock ROUSE her from a deep sleep. It was now time to greet the HORDE of well wishers who waited to meet her. The FORCE of their love was the reason she met the new day with a smile on her face.
y attempt to make a BASIC Oreo cookie CRUST was interrupted by the ROCKY relationship of my neighbors. Their family fracas spilled out onto their PORCH with such FORCE that it turned into a full on donnybrook.
o REACH the highest levels of the political arena, she had to MOUNT a campaign like no other. She STOOD before the crowd and confidently spoke words that were considered TABOO not so long ago.
ating a SNACK at the formal dining room TABLE was TABOO in our household.
fter the shipwreck, I had to TEACH the GROUP of people who had grown up without learning to swim, to at the very least, not DROWN. Here I stood on an island carrying a palm FROND…the king of a paradise in the middle of nowhere.
walked up to the bartender and flashed my WRIST band. She poured me a very generous double shot. “I’m trying to get you DRUNK,” she said as she handed me my favorite BRAND of bourbon in a glass adorned with a decorative FROND. “What time do you get off, because you’re driving me home, “ I replied.
he retired pianist FOUND old arrangements of MUSIC she had written long ago. She decided to AMUSE herself by trying to play them with her diminished eyesight and arthritic hands. The notes coursed through her veins like a SERUM, lifting her back to her days as a virtuoso. A beaming smile appeared across her face.
he ambulance chaser decided to cut and PASTE the STERN legal language into the letter he got from using the new Siri A.I. Instead of threatening to sue her, the letter to Sarah informed her that she must immediately evacuate her SEWER due to her negligent use of a SERUM.
he seniors all sat in THEIR seats, waiting to receive their diplomas. The STAID principal droned on about the virtues of the graduating class. As the young man listened to the speech, all he could do was stare at the long PLAIT of black hair belonging to the girl sitting in front of him. He hoped he would meet her at the party later that evening.
hen I got home last night I had to CRASH immediately. I’m so tired, I don’t have time to do anything. I BLAME my new job at the PLANT. Since my hair is so long they make me PLAIT it, so at least that saves me some time and money.
n order to SHORE up support, the CEO made the CLAIM that the company believed in equal opportunity for all employees. I imagined a corporate ladder leaning against the wall, ready to CLIMB. Upon ascending though, I realized the ladder only went up halfway to the opening leading into the C-suite.
ack decided to DITCH the current LOGIC model, because the company was about to go over a fiscal CLIFF and there was no way they would be able to CLIMB out of the impending hole.
hey FOUND a TRAIL of blood that led them to the body. Why didn’t he WRITE a note before he slit his WRIST?
oe asked if I would TRADE my chicken pot pie for his bone BROTH soup. When I refused his ridiculous request, he grabbed the top CRUST that I had carefully removed and was saving for “dessert”. After the ensuing incident, I got suspended for a week and he got a slap on the WRIST. The soup wasn’t that hot.
’ve been told I was a FREAK, one who bucks the norm. But I’ve FOUND a comment like that is a compliment. So I write the FINIS here, to live life as free as a FINCH singing in the tree, rather than a person beholden to another form.
ent out of SHAPE to the couch I escape just dig a DITCH after removing a LINCH with the aid of a WINCH for a bloke in a pinch what a wanker, didn’t pay such a grinch so glad to be home relaxing and being serenaded by a FINCH
he CRATE of platinum blond hair dye finally arrived at the SALON. “Put it in the back!” the owner with the beehive hairdo said ALOUD, while under her breath she made comments that were definitely not included in the LOGIA. Opening the shipment, the owner picked up a bottle and turning to her client said “VOILA!You’ll be blond before you know it!”
n SPITE of being on the BRINK of jumping off a CLIFF because I couldn’t finish the DAILY crossword, I somehow was able to focus and then all of a sudden, VOILA it was solved!
o the people who kidnapped THEIR dog, the children did PLEAD, with tears in their eyes, for their pet to be FREED. Outright GREED was the only reason they stole the dog, even though the BREED of was not worth much.
put the CHARM bracelet in the TRUNK along with my PRIDE and my wedding DRESS. GREED was to blame, which is why I chose to BREED with such an imbecile.
am so TIRED of the FARCE told to the American people regarding the SURGE of a particular candidate in the polls. There is a deep GORGE forming between extreme ideologies in this country, and instead of each faction staying in their own lane, it might be a better idea to MERGE and strive for a middle ground.
here was so much STEAM coming out of the grate that the MOVER couldn’t see . As we sat in traffic, I began to pray for traveling MERCY hoping we would be able to MERGE into the tunnel soon.
t was nearly noon and the sunlight cut a slit in the curtain like a shiny blade. She sat on the edge of the bed and caught a waft of FRIED eggs coming from the kitchen. Making her way to the bedroom door she attempted to drag a BRUSH through her hair, all the while thinking her stomach would be better off with just some warm BROTH.
he BAKER carefully kneaded the pastry dough. The sous chef calculated the exact temperature to BROIL the quail, while the chef hovered over the ingredients for his secret BROTH. Anything less than three stars would be deflating and an abject failure for all.
sing her best lipstick she delicately outlined the edges her MOUTH, then opened her purse, where she FOUND the perfect shade of ROUGE. She wondered why she was putting in so much effort just to meet the LOUSE.
echnically you could it a FEAST, all a you can eat buffet of sorts. With a magnifying glass, if you look real CLOSE at the part in Mary’s hair you can see a LOUSE going to town.
hat was her companionship WORTH ? This time when her husband struck her, a WHEAL formed on her cheek, WHICH gave her the resolve for what would soon happen. Her new beau would be arriving within the hour to WHISK her away. Without a whiff of emotion or WHINY complaint she would be gone.
t the same time that I climbed the last STAIR, I reached up to FLICK the switch to turn off the ceiling fan. The WHINE of the broken motor was causing my WHINY wife to get on my nerves.
is brain was FRIED. Walking back to the HOTEL the next morning, he knew he had to STEEL himself for the questioning what would take place when he got back to the room.
e cannot live on BREAD alone, nor focus on the SPECK in another’s eye, but should taste how SWEET are His words, for they STEEL us for life’s battles...
s they started to RAISE the mysterious object, a crowd gathered wondering what that gigantic floating THING was. “We are off on a new adventure!”, said the captain, as she and the crew started to CLIMB the ladder into the BLIMP. Minutes later the tie ropes were cut and they was gone.
t wasn’t a GREAT SHOCK to those who knew the billionaire BULLY that he would resort to such extravagant tactics to ace a BLIND test of Coke vs. Pepsi. He paid off the testers and hired the Goodyear BLIMP to display the answer.
n order to REACH the stones possessing magical powers, one must WIELD their own mental acuity to EQUIP themselves for the inordinate task at hand.
am going to PROVE you wrong. I don’t need to SPEND an inordinate amount of time looking at a person’s LAPEL instead of making eye contact. Even though the visual aid HELPS to EQUIP me for the conversation, I agree that listening to them in the moment is more important than remembering their name.
hat on EARTH was he thinking!?! Living on his own, in that’s forsaken SHACK, with his only protection being a small SHANK made from a scrap of metal.
TRIED my best to CLOAK my anger as I embraced my cellmate while removing the makeshift SHANK from my back pocket.
he outcome looked BLEAK, as I tried to PROVE that god didn’t exist to the mob of angry zealots. Would my statements TWINE together and form a sensible message or would the lemmings continue to TITHE their hard earned wages to an organization that rewarded unquestioning believers?
ith a hard CLOUT to the head, the deacon fell to the floor of the moving TRAIN. The THIEF was on his way to Vegas with the church’s weekly offering. He planned to TITHE his winnings which he was convinced was going to be much more than what he had just stolen.
he chicken FRIED steak, ordered by the old FOGEY, finally arrived as the waitress passed his table carrying a FLEET of five plates teetering on her arm. This was only one FACET of her many talents often exhibited at the diner.
he melting of the POLAR caps is setting off a CHAIN reaction that will eventually result in Mother Nature’s secret SAUCE of humility being served to every FACET of humanity.
hat made him think it was okay to STEAL from the company that employed him? Maybe it was a PHASE of retribution given he was denied a RAISE after all his hard work.
he ROGUE union worker at the Monsanto plant incited a riot with a RHYME and a RIFLE. “No more maize without a RAISE.”
y LOVEE once gave me a LAPIS ring, but that was the LIMIT to her generosity. I ended the relationship when I confronted her about the LURID tales I had heard involving her. Finally I had a LUCID moment regarding my overall mental health.
ucy found it hard to TEACH because her head was in the sky, floating like a CLOUD. She started to panic because she wanted to be LUCID when John-Paul showed up on bended knee with her diamond engagement ring. Or so she imagined...
he was encouraged to TEACH as it was a SOLID employment gig. A JOLLY outcome was doubtful though, after being assigned an eighth grade class.
t wasn’t IDEAL, but he wore black boots a red CLOWN getup, instead of a Santa suit sitting by the LOFTY tree with folks on his knees spinning tales of elves on the flying trapeze surrounded by HOLLY, he performed all his tricks trying to be JOLLY like Old St. Nick then it all fell apart, the gig was up when his PO came by to have him pee in a cup
n order to REACH the next level of the game, I had to STARE down the monster guarding the lair. I started to RAISE my sword, but then had second thoughts, and instead I chose the LASER in my back pocket and burned out the monster’s eyes.
avid is a master shepherd. He can SHEAR a sheep in no time while keeping his LASER focus on the rest of the flock to ensure that not one gets lost.
nly a single PEONY grew in the shadow of the TOWER this spring. Should that have been a portent of what was to come? It was a SOBER experience to watch the queen COVER the face of her dead LOVER. Soon the MOVER would arrive to remove all her belongings from the castle. She would cast out, becoming a ROVER of the land.
t LEAST the landlord BROKE down the required expenses to COVER the MOVER for the ROVER that allowed him to do a cost benefit analysis of settling down.
he covert GROUP did their best to HOARD the NITRO needed for the rebellion. The attack would be the first OVERT display of the group’s campaign against their oppressors.
fter I ordered the STEAK, I started to notice a TREND of OVERT hostility coming from the waiter with the PETA tattoo.
he group of hunters started to POACH the most endangered animals using DRONE technology. To combat this, the game wardens decided their best line of defense was to set off NITRO bombs in the hunter’s camp as they slept. Let that be an INTRO to the hunters on how serious the wardens were on stopping the illegal slaughter of animals.
n the alley lad picks up a SPARE belly begins to CHURN did it all on a dare finds a cafe orders a NITRO sits at the table makes a formal INTRO on to the next frame there’s no there there
he newspaper STORY made the CLAIM there was a strong case against the MAFIA, in the killings which took place last month. The general public became skeptical though, when the VAPID prosecution played out in the courtroom.
always ABIDE by the rules, so my DIARY entries are usually pretty VAPID.
t was GREAT to GLEAN information from the television commercials to determine which cleanser would make my countertops GLEAM.
he MOIST droplets of her anatomical elixir collecting in the hills and valleys of her cleavage, represented a resplendent GLEAM of hope for his fantastical plans.
et’s PAINT the town red, POUND back a few, and PRUNE some brain cells; all in the name of fun.
e plays the FIELD...likes to CHASE women to PROVE his manhood...his goal is to PRUNE or even fell as many as possible. Then one day he saw the forest, found a tree to hug and settled down.
t one time it was just a dream to open up their own STORE. Their hard work finally bore FRUIT and now they could create their own DRAFT beer and hone their CRAFT.
nsyn was elated when he opened the CRATE and found a year’s supply of his favorite CRAFT beer.
he stunningly beautiful and poised couple turned heads as they walked into the PARTY. The husband and wife were so PROUD their marriage had withstood the test of time, but did that fact really PROVE anything? They would both be on the PROWL later that evening.
e pretended to be a SAINT as a CLOUD of smoke came billowing from the backseat as he rolled down his window. “I’m glad you stopped us officer. You can’t be too careful these days. There’s a WHOLE lot of unsavory characters out here on the PROWL up to no good.”
em class="hl-kyle">THEIR parents would WRING their necks if they read the DIARY of the youngest child. For it contained all the misdeeds committed by the children.
reached down to CLASP the handle of my briefcase as I stood on the platform waiting for the TRAIN. In doing so, I inadvertently dropped my pocket DIARY into the sewer - a fitting resting place for my dirty little secrets I suppose.
t is important for us to TEACH future generations that everyone gets a PIECE of the pie and each SLICE is of equal proportion.
he judge banged his GAVEL after sentencing the LONER from the park to six months in the slammer for placing SLIME at the top of the SLIDE causing Sloan to SLICE her slacks and slam her head on the slab of concrete.
n the FIELD, behind the Store, a young girl ate a picnic lunch on a large blanket. Her beautiful EBONY skin shone against the wild flowers towering around her. A private Eden all her own.
e was looking for a woman to court and SPARK, for he had a WOUND that he needed somebody to nurse or perhaps even CLONE in themselves for the sake of creating comfort in company. He found it in a pretty girl with EBONY eyes.
ven though it was RAINY, there was no time to WASTE. Heading into the woods I stopped at each MAPLE syrup tap, inspected the check valves and watched the liquid gold trickle forth. The VALUE of this year’s sap would be determined via pancakes and waffles.
ot to go off TOPIC, but I DREAM of the day when people can SHAKE the idea of this FABLE that has been planted in their heads by married people that you can find a soulmate by simply turning a VALVE, flipping a switch, or swiping right or left. Like somehow it’s just magic. It’s just fate. I have found absolutely no VALUE in online dating and I refuse to believe that somehow it’s just me.
efore any tests could be conducted, each vial of extracted SERUM had to be placed in a container of TEPID water. Then a DECAL was placed on each vial reading: USE WITH CAUTION
ank lost all his political CLOUT after that ornery BELCH in the mayor’s face. I was instructed by the chief of staff to revoke his parking DECAL.
t was her SCENT that made him realize how RUSTY he was in the areas of flirtation and courtship. His first task would be to clean his DUSTY apartment and rid himself of his old MUSTY clothes. Only then could he put his best foot forward and be ready for some action.
he Tom Brady roast on Netflix was CHOCK full of folks doing their best to STICK it to the seven time Super Bowl winner. On the dais was a few MUSTY old comedians trying to remain relevant.
tanding in the kitchen, tending the STOVE, the old man was overcome with GRIEF. How would he RELAY the message to his children that their mother had died? He thought of his MERRY youth, now long gone, as he ambled with a JERKY walk over to the phone and picked up the receiver.
he referee called a SPEAR on Rod and ejected him from the game. He was pissed and acted like it was a CHORE for him to gather his things before leaving the field. While by himself in the locker room, he tried to RENEW his mind and body while eating a beef JERKY as he watched the rest of the game on the monitor.
o TEACH another person is to pass the baton in the RELAY of life. Melding color images of today with the SEPIA images of history, to forge new ways of thinking and MEDIA, bringing hope to the future.
t’s been said that eventually everything is brought into the LIGHT. However, one true CRIME of the MEDIA is their illumination bias.
new FOUND beginning, Eventually ending in DEATH, Bracketing the TIDAL ebb and flow of life.
alway SPEAK truth to power no matter the consequences, unlike others who FLOAT a TRIAL balloon before speaking against the TIDAL wave of public opinion.
LOVED watching the OTTER frolic in the ocean on our kayaking trip. That night, back at the lodge, we watched an OATER that was recommended by the same person who was a big OPTER for heading to the OUTER banks the next day to further commune with wildlife.
t was well within the SCOPE of the budget for the MOVER to work with the OWNER to have any all of their boxes and any OTHER leftover stuff taken to the OUTER edge of the property line so that it would be completely out of the way.
trolling along the BEACH cafes in Goa, not a CLOUD in the sky, wafts of curry and CUMIN mix as I pass by.
literally CRIED out loud “Yaaaaaas!” when I walked into the Big Agra CHAIN grocery store and found my favorite organic, fair trade, ethically sourced, sustainably harvested brand of CUMIN. My Tweets over the years are starting to bear fruit or in this case seeds!!!
he goons tried hard not SPOIL the meeting of the mafia bosses but it ended on a NASTY note. First came the BRASS knuckles flying across the table, followed by their attempt to AMASS the weapons they had hidden in various spots at the restaurant.
ith the tender MERCY of a stranger’s SMALL sacrifice, seeds of service are planted, allowing for compassion and empathy to AMASS for all humanity.
ama told me to FETCH the POUCH hidden in the old cookie tin on the kitchen shelf. That was the one that held the extra bit of money we’d used when we were in a PINCH.
After you sprained your left WRIST, how were you able to power through to win that FINAL game to capture your first title?” asked the reporter. “I have no idea, I have to be dreaming. Please PINCH me and wake me up,” replied the young upstart.
t used to be an existence of hand to MOUTH, but the winds of good fortune blew my way and life became a FEAST. I worry now that this will leave a STAIN on a legacy of my hard work and honesty. I must START being consciously aware of how I live each day and never STALL on helping others and letting them know what they mean to me.
ank’s eyes were MOIST after he was STUNG with the confirmation of her betrayal. The relationship had grown STALE months ago leading him to STALK her to find answers. There she was taking a roll in the hay with a jockey in the STALL.
hat night it was so WINDY he shivered inside the cabin as he tried to make dinner. All he could do was STARE at the small pile twigs inside the stove as he tried to TORCH them into a fire large enough to cook the TROUT he had caught earlier in the day. His mind started drifting back to when, as a young boy, his father had tried to TUTOR him on survival skills. He should have listened more carefully.
filled my flask with GRAPE Kool-Aid to take with me on my final ROUND of golf today. I also took a gram of FLOUR in a baggie. My sponsor who I refer to as my TUTOR, for anonymity, taught me that I could replace my pathological talismans with harmless ones. It worked. I won the tournament.
he musicians promised their fans a FEAST for their eyes & ears as they struck the opening CHORD to the show. The concert producer though would WRING their necks if the show bombed because he was on the BRINK of bankruptcy. If he didn’t make some money on this show, into the deep BRINY he would send them.
he hawk’s TALON landed on the SPINE of the prairie dog right as it was on the BRINK of escaping down a hole. If it were not for the BRINY headwind coming off the gulf, the chubby little fella would have lived to dig another day.
rapping themselves in their righteous CAUSE, with TORCH in hand, they stormed the house of a local woman accused of being a WITCH. They pulled her from her home, threw her in a DITCH and covered her with tar PITCH. All done without a HITCH, since many members of the mob were law enforcement officials.
ue would frequently BASTE Hank about his many shortcomings, sometimes moving him to THROW a fit which involved a lot of jumping up and down and yelling. One day he slipped and fell and now he has a HITCH in his giddy up.
here was a large PURSE at stake for whichever RELAY team won the final race. Though the race was delayed because of rain, after the track had DRIED off, the official TIMER gave the go ahead to start. The national coach, who had always been a *GIVER* of sound advice, explained the new race strategy to the first BIKER and for the first time seemed NICER than ever before.
emember the old TROPE of how certain folks are from a different REALM? That they can’t swim so they can’t be a DIVER That they’re not smart so they can’t be WISER That they have no taste so they can’t be FINER That they are disagreeable so they can’t be NICER Whoever spreads that crap, well....they’re just a liar.
or lunch I thought I would make myself a couple of BLTs on TOAST made from whole wheat FLOUR. To jazz it up a bit I threw on some ONION and then BINGO! I got the idea to drive into the outback for a picnic and maybe even share my lunch with a DINGO or two.
fell off my horse and broke my FEMUR while making my way across the Australian PLAIN last NIGHT. We were stranded until morning and the only provisions that I had was a candy bar in my DINGY old satchel. When I wasn’t paying attention a DINGO ate my Baby Ruth.
he loss of critical thinking and intellectual discourse is akin to the nutrients that LEACH from fertile soil. Forcing interactions to become STALE, while lemmings EXALT false gods and question science.
indy thought to herself, “I have a lot on my PLATE, so you will have to find someone else to EXALT your ego today,” when Joe asked, “What do you think about this...,” for the seventeenth time.
reminisce about my YOUTH and I have to PINCH myself on how lucky I have been. Nothing taken for granted…especially the amazing people in my life…SWISH…life goes by, almost before you realize how extraordinary it all is.
he chef signed up for a PILOT program at the Poultry Institute. They were conducting an experiment with BRINE and a baby CHICK. It was placed in a shallow pan and encouraged to SWISH back and forth to see if it would enhance its flavor when it slaughtered and cooked.
y brain is FRIED I look ASIDE For a way to GLIDE Out of the classroom
ith grace and POISE Tyrese replied, to the referee as he tried to ABIDE, by the rules of the game, but he lied, “I didn’t travel it was more like a GLIDE,” but to no avail, his appeal was denied, a turnover with 5 seconds left with the score tied, Knicks get up a shot, from the elbow on the left side, swish, buzzer sounds, crowd roars “Deeeuuuuuce”, for #2, Miles McBride.
he thought how opening up her own coffee shop was a major risk as she whipped up a nice FROTH of milk using STEAM. Yet in her bones she felt that a TIDAL shift was happening and people would gravitate to her shop over the shops once owned by the TITAN Howard Schultz.
he was convinced the SHAPE of her pillow would somehow interfere with the tooth FAIRY doing her job. It was important to her, VITAL even, that her tooth be taken to be among the gods on TITAN. If it doesn’t happen tonight, then it would be delivered to Phobos and live out eternity in fear.
s the police walked by him, he tried not to FREAK out given he was carrying an OUNCE in his messenger bag. This new profession as a dealer was BESET with problems, and he now realized he was not cut out for the job. Maybe he should just resign himself to joining his father in the glass business and create his own line of BEVEL edged cocaine mirrors.
went out into the FIELD to sit under the LEMON tree to think about how I was going to propose to Eleanore. As I sat down I spied a single PETAL of a rose that chose to REBEL against the prevailing wind to find its way to me. The shape was perfect for the BEZEL of the engagement ring I was designing. I sure hope the jeweler can use this design and still BEVEL the edge of the diamond like we discussed.
had to rack my BRAIN on how to create new outfits for the slalom event. The old garments would snag on the gate SPIRE because of the SHIRR at the waist. My new outfits, made from hi-tech fabric, would be sleek and practical and fit each SKIER like a glove.
’m trying to SPAWN a new movement in South Dakota - an electric SLIDE festival to promote tourism and SKIER diversity.
he young woman had quite the SCARE when she applied a MINTY smelling lotion to her arm and the skin became BUMPY. She was no DUMMY though…instead of worrying, she decided to just relax and eat a GUMMY.
lake wondered what this new Blind Date app was all ABOUT. It claims that sexuality was FLUID, but society says you’re assigned a gender/sex PUNCH card at birth. Later that week, a QUEER feeling followed the ingestion of a pre-date GUMMY and confusion ensued when it was discovered that Blake’s blind date, Hayden, was a woman.
ll I could do was STARE at the empty FLASK. With nothing left inside, I went to Starbucks and looked at the menu of CHAIS. The CHAPS in front of me couldn’t get their orders straight, and in the ensuing CHAOS I decided to leave empty handed.
s I began to eat my breakfast I saw the bus pull up so I had to quickly SCARF down the rest of my food. I had to CHASE it halfway down the block because it took forever to get out of the student center due to all the Palestinian protest CHAOS.
fter the GREAT pandemic of 2020 there was a huge SLACK off in people’s work ethics. This was particularly true in WASPY young male college graduates who felt entitled to a cushy white collar job, yet found themselves working as a carpenter building houses or a MASON carving a BASIN.
BLAME my BAGGY shorts for the loss. The BATON got caught in them as I rounded the fountain BASIN which cost us at least 10 seconds on the obstacle course relay race.
here was a phosphorus STAIN on the ground from the FLARE set off earlier that night. The head ranger knew someone would try to POACH wildlife that evening, and she alerted all other rangers in the park. BRAVO! Her quick actions helped save the lives of wild animals.
ith POISE and grace Alice performed a flawless pas de deux with Hank despite a constant and nagging feeling of BLOAT in her lower abdomen. The robber BARON, who was secretly smitten with Hank sprung from his seat and exclaimed, “BRAVO!!” while heaving a huge bouquet of roses onto the stage with a note and a key to the secluded entrance to his estate.
on-college bound YOUTH who decide to enter a TRADE are making a SMART decision. This career move affords them the opportunity to START learning a craft and hopefully earn a living wage. Their economic futures look much brighter, which is in STARK contrast to high school graduates who go straight into the service industry.
t’s a SHAME that the quick SLANT has replaced the running game for many teams - a STARK difference from the glory days of old.
ZEBRA was brought into the stag party while the third ROUND of drinks was being poured. All the attendees knew it was going to be a crazy night especially when a SHORT, petite woman popped out of a cake. She let out a GROWL at the GROOM, and then led him and the striped animal into the bedroom.
he holy GRAIL for full GROWN experienced northeastern plumbers is this magical GROUT that cures almost instantly. The problem is that the smell is so GROSS that most people can’t stomach it. To my knowledge it can only be found at this obscure hardware store over on GROVE Street called McBride and GROOM.
t the toga PARTY the pianist thought her chances were good that night to SNARE a hot ROMAN Adonis for some fun. As the evening started to get wild she was asked to play…so she let out a deep GROAN and laid her fingers on the keys of the ORGAN.
llow me to BOAST for just a second. My name is Leslie DeFrancesco and I was just awarded a patent for a RADON detector whose alarm sounds like the GROAN of a Hammond B3 ORGAN. It’s called the McGriff-3000 and the design features a distinctive red top.
he musician knew the SCORE he had written was GREAT. On the day he was to record it he hired a piano TUNER who used a KORG OT-120 METER to ensure a beautiful sound. Then the musician let the piece float into the ETHER.
ap beefs being DEALT with on wax \(or WAV these days\) has been around since TOWER Records reigned supreme. It all started in 1984 with Roxanne’s Revenge. In 2001 Nas accused Jay Z of being a BITER in the now legendary track ETHER and now 40 years later Kendrick Lamar and Drake are at each other’s larynxes releasing a series of diss tracks that have garnered mainstream media attention.
o REACH out and pick a LEMON…only to realize you’ve got it mixed up…it’s a MELON.
y CROWN fell into the crack of the FUTON at the SALON after I accidentally bit into the rind of a MELON.
he lawyer walked up the steps of the imposing building. Before entering the COURT he looked at the statue outside of a blindfolded woman holding a balance SCALE in her hand. More than a year of hard work went into this case, each PIECE of evidence detailed and inspected, the case was ready to be tried…but would it sway jurors that were sitting on the FENCE? He couldn’t say for sure, HENCE the bottle of antacid tablets in his briefcase.
t really makes my skin CRAWL when people try to cheat me. I ordered a SCOOP of gelato and then changed my mind and order the DEUCE special. Instead of receiving two scoops, I got one and a half. I was on the FENCE on whether I was going to say something or not, and then all of a sudden I lost it, HENCE my picture is now on the wall.
t the BEACH concert a COUNT down started as the audience watched the CLOCK til showtime. When they finally saw the musicians CROSS the stage, a deafening roar went out and the CROWD went wild.
em class="hl-andre">PRIOR to going to our first “GROWN” concert in 20 years, my wife insisted that I wear something really bright, so I wouldn’t get lost in the CROWD. Old habits die hard for parents transitioning into being empty nesters.
em class="hl-kyle">BREAK rocks and POUND sand…the mundane tasks he had to perform each day. His unjust prison sentence STUNG him each time he SWUNG the sledgehammer.
’m so PROUD of the gold medal I won for my Alfredo SAUCE. I bet it was my secret ingredient that SWUNG the vote in my favor.
he wanted to FLING caution to the wind and ROAST the TRUCK driver sitting next to her at the diner. In the middle of the flirty banter she realized her METER was running and cut it short…a better way to DETER unwanted advances.
single PETAL of a rose is left on the bed of one of the 250 finalists of the Date a Billionaire Competition. Upon returning to their room, the lucky winner is to wait until the billionaire’s handlers come to FETCH them to take them to a DETOX center for 9 months to have them cleansed of any and all impurities before actually meeting the billionaire. None of the 40 million applicants questioned the requirement, nor did it DETER them from pursuing their dream of spending two hours on a blind date with a billionaire.
creative person can BRING a new ANGLE to any discussion. If done well, the ANGST felt by the opposing view can be lowered or even removed completely.
hen I buy fruit I like for each piece to RIPEN to just the right point of color and freshness, so I grade each piece every morning. If one becomes unacceptable I FLUNK it and banish it to the compost heap. I had my eye on a MANGO that was shaping up to be what I hoped to be a delectable treat. The next morning when I woke up I began to GNASH my teeth in ANGST because my star pupil went from an A\+ to an F overnight.
n court the witness stated: “I SWEAR, it was PLAIN as day…On that BALMY afternoon I saw the thief VAULT over the wall, carrying a sack of stolen goods.
I am here to CLAIM my prize as the winner of Make America LAUGH Again,” I said to the guard at the desk. “I.D.” he grunted. I complied. He gave it the once over, handed it back to me, and went into the VAULT. A few minutes later he returned with my autographed Donald Trump mugshot in a frame of repurposed metal from a cell in Sing Sing fabricated by David Berkowitz.
fter landing on the Normandy BEACH, the Allies would MOUNT an incredible offense against the Nazis. It would be carried out by a large GROUP of soldiers; all PROUD to fight Fascism.
ith the GLARE of the retiring sun behind her, she sailed down Hope River toward a new horizon. “If only mama could see me now” That thought made Mary PROUD.
em class="hl-kyle">FETCH the water, BRING in the harvest…the daily GRIND of yesteryear is not much different than today…it’s just different items.
need a strong BROWN paper bag for a PRANK I want to pull off. I already have a DRONE and the Bump ‘n GRIND CD’s. I believe I can fly them over the federal facility where R. Kelly is and drop them in the prison yard.
he seamstress was TIRED as she worked to WRING the most out of an old dress that needed to be re-purposed. At a BRISK pace she added a FRILL to cover a CRIMP in the fabric, a new sash belt and new buttons. The seamstress was not PRIVY to which event the dress would be worn to that evening, but the style and fabric brought back memories of a PRIOR age.
had my FLUTE recital in a building that is connected to a gym. The recital room shares a wall with the STEAM room. Right when I started playing Ol’ Man RIVER,the wall cracked and a thick cloud formed and started to HOVER over the audience, causing everyone to jump from their seats and run for COVER.
o get to the HEART of a problem, it is often better to speak in a kind manner yet keep sentences TERSE and to the point.
Losing weight and getting in SHAPE requires diet and exercise and immediate results rarely ENSUE,” I said to my OBESE patient.“Ozempic please!” was their TERSE plea. “Cha-Ching,” I thought as I handed them the prescription on my way out the door to see my next customer, I mean patient.
fter the witness on the stand made a FALSE statement the opposing lawyer, having RISEN to his feet, shouted OBJECTION! This completely unnerved the court STENO and when the judge called for the lawyers to approach the bench, she SPENT the time applying an aromatherapy SCENT to her temples.
May I take your order.” “Yes, a venti mocha oat milk latte chai espresso decaf with whipped CREAM decorated with just a SPECK of cinnamon placed in the middle of four ethically sourced unsweetened cacao nibs and a caramel drizzle applied like a crime SCENE chalk outline with a lavender sprig to enhance the SCENT essence.” “Name?” “Plain Jane.”
GREAT story can be told, when the author has the ability to PAINT a vivid image in the minds of the audience . An image full of color, detail and intrigue; creating a tale that touches a nerve in the listener or reader.
he WEIRD thing is, it was over in a BLINK of an eye...my STINT in the circus...7 years. Wow!! Not gonna miss the face PAINT, but I am gonna miss those shoes. Oddly enough they’re really comfortable.
shirtless, balding middle-aged man, with a protruding ROUND belly hanging over his small black Speedo, sat up on a raised platform. His followers gazed in awe at this self-proclaimed DEITY who would issue forth the EDICT that would bring them salvation. Now all he had to do was remember where he placed his copy of Being a Cult Leader for Dummies.
uring a SPATE of complaints at the HOA meeting, a serious charge of theriocide was brought against the HOA president in the death of a dog who was a serial BITER. “This goes against the ETHIC of our community and we should move immediately to remove the president AND EVICT him.” After furiously banging his gavel, the president issued an EDICT, “I now declare that all dog owners whose dogs are not muzzled outside of their homes will be fined $250 per incident,” which was received by thunderous applause from the membership - all cat owners.